The future

So my period is finally gone today and I think I'm starting to feel a little bit better about everything. With my husband starting back to school tomorrow to pursue his masters, me actively seeking a new job (with better pay and a happier environment) and bills (mostly medical) piling up... maybe we aren't meant to have children right now. I know that we both want them desperately and we are not going to give up but maybe my body needs a break. Maybe my whole life needs a break. I think right now it's worth it to just let life run it's own course. So hopefully this is the start of something wonderful. I'm going to continue to not try/not prevent and hope it works well ;)

Even on my weakest days...

I get a little bit stronger. First of all, let me start off by saying I'm sorry it's been so long. Life has a way of throwing me some curve balls every corner I turn and lately it's been a lot. Right now everything with the RE is on hold. We cannot afford to do IVF and at the moment we cannot get a loan for that amount. It sucks but there isn't much we can do. So until we can get a loan or save up the money it's on permanent hold. TTC... well that's not on hold necessarily, BUT we are taking a step back from the craziness. The last 4+ years of my life have been consumed by TTC. I feel like I've been broken so many times and glued back together that the pieces don't make what they used to. I will be the first to admit that I'm not the same naive person I was before this all started. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be 25 years old with no living children. If you asked me from the time I was small what I wanted to be it was always a mother. Now I'm having to face reality, and that is that I might never become a mother... at least not how I thought I would. What I do know is this journey to motherhood for me is far from over. I will become a mother. How and when are to be determined but I'm not giving up. I will be a mother and I already am. I have 9 loving children watching over me from heaven and they are going to bring me a child to love and raise on this earth. That I know for sure. If you are still checking my blog ... thank you :) I'll try to keep it more up to date. ~ME~